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We are what we think & my blog entries reflect how I think. Have a sip of the poison of my mind.. It's not always lethal.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Jacelyn: The Inevitable Has Happened

It was only early last month when Jacelyn told me about the high possibility that she might leave our company early next year. I knew she wasn't kidding as this sad voice inside me told me it's gonna happen for real this time. Ever since that day, I've been holding on to the hope that it will only happen after being delayed for as long as she could possibly hold out.

She told me today that she has tendered her resignation yesterday when I was on leave.

Knowing that Jace has been serious about it, I was still taken aback and still asked her if she was being serious, all the while bracing myself for the futility of my no-hope question. Now I know exactly what it was that she held back on telling me during our company dinner & dance last saturday night. Swallowed words can hurt sometimes.

My colleague-sister is really leaving.

This is the beginning of the void I talked about when we were at Mount Faber which I knew I'll face when she leaves. I'm now standing on the lip of it and there is nothing I could do about it when I get pushed straight into it. It's not gonna be the first time I'll experience this void; everytime buddies leave in employments past and present, I'll be shoved into it.

Void doesn't mean you feel nothing. Void can mean you feel empty. There's a big difference between nothingness and emptiness. The former is much less dreadful.

Just because I've experienced that void several times doesn't mean I have to get used to it. I'll never get used to it. After Jace told me about her resignation during early afternoon, I told her that I needed some time with this. It's now coming to midnight and I'm still finding myself needing more time. You can't get over almost 6 years in just one day.

I'm having trouble dealing with this and I'm going to the store to get some beer. Maybe I'll wake up later and heave a sigh of relief that I've just woken up from a heart-breaking nightmare..

-De Lion Speaks

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