Blame it on the morning office rush, since I had to print the letter, dash as fast as my legs could carry me to the photostat machine that coughed out my letter before any of my colleagues could get a hold of my letter before I did. I've actually arrived earlier than usual at the office just to minimise the possibility of such an occurrence. I'm sure you can understand the awkwardness and the inevitable barrage of questions that will surely tsunami in torrents your way should that happen. It's best to go low profile on such matters and wait for HR to announce it to the whole company on their own accord and timing. I told Lily about it though, I owe it to her.
Resigning without being interrogated by my colleagues was something I really needed this morning, considering the fact that I was trying to come to grips with a heavy heart about the whole matter and even now, I'm still feeling the weight of it as I'm typing this. Lily didn't interrogate me since she already understands the situation. Why the cardiac weight? You see, I really liked my job and I heart my Pharmacists customers but due to circumstances, I've got to move on. I wish circumstances were different but when the odds pile up against you to the point when you start to feel being buried alive under it all, you have to crawl out from under all the shebang just so you can breathe again.
This was really the best job I've ever had and enjoyed, despite the ups and downs; the fact that I've been on it since February 2008 reaffirms that. But well, companies are dynamic entities and things can change over time, be it for better or for worse. Anyway, I'm taking a risk here with my resignation since I can't pierce the veil of Time to see the things that lay ahead. Besides, changing your working environment is something you can only determine if it's really for the better by, well, after making the transition to the new environment. The best I could do is to see through the plans I'm making for myself, whether I succeed in the end or not. You gotta at least try, swing it and give your best shot.
Thank God for savings. I triple-checked my savings as well as my CPF balance for my remaining housing loan, made lots of calculations before deciding to take the plunge. Just in case. You never know, the plans you are making for yourself and the networkings you've established could experience hiccups, so having savings on-hand is good insurance. Actually, I've been contemplating resigning for more than a year or two ago but decided to give the situation and myself a chance, so I did try. Because I've tried and toughed it out, I can now leave without having to beat myself over over it. That's important to me. Being haunted all these time by the thought of leaving sure as heck wasn't an easy ride. Jace always told me not to be rash about it but the duration of time l've taken to consider the whole issue has shown that I wasn't being rash, I trust.
There were many times lately before today when I've almost convinced myself that things were becoming ok again when everything started tumbling down at the last minute, dashing all thoughts of redemption. I can't really put it into words but it was almost like some divine intervention was shoving me towards the door for good. The strange thing is, I'm actually feeling relieved and liberated now that I've submitted my resignation. The heavy heart is still palpable though.
Well, when it's time to move on, it's time to move on. I still think that my company is a great company with great people and that my boss is a decent man. These are the things that make me blue about the whole matter, compounded by the fact that my customers are wonderful folks.
It was terribly difficult for me to submit my resignation this morning.
I'll be taking a break and do some overseas travelling for a while after this. I need that. Speaking of which, I shall kick-off by first going for the company incentive trip to Korea for the Sales & Marketing division really soon.
And what was my Lioness's reaction to my decision? I'll let the following crop-out of the Line messages between her and me do the talking:
- De Lion Speaks