My Open Letter To The Cosmic Powers That Be At 1° North of The Equator

O' thou blasted & cruel tropical weather, what can I do to move thy conscience? How should I beseech thee so that thou wilt be willing to turn thy ear towards me and listen to my desperate cries? (note that I'm only requesting for just one ear here, is that too much to ask?)

When I raise my fist in thy face in protest, thou art unmoved. When I beg of thee to give us a moment of respite from thy murderous humidity and scorching rays from that orange blob in the Big Blue which surely rivals the heat of Hades, thou heedeth me not.Thou returneth my pleas with thy continued jeers and it's not funny, for thou art pushing us all to the brink of heatstroke and to the edge of dehydrated collapse.

In the name of Vanity Beauty, hearken unto me as I petition on behalf of our poor facial pores too which thou art causing extensive and accelerated damage to.

Verily, I saith unto thee: if thou were human, I would surely have taken orgasmic pleasure in strangling thee to death with my very own bare hands, for thou art a murderer to everything 25℃ and below.. and traveling sales reps.


There, that made me feel BETTER.

Rant over. Drink lots of water & stay cool. Pun-intended.


~The Half-Baked Lion~